jenna-daydreamer93

Goodness, it's been a while since I checked in.

Sooo... What's happened since my last update... Well, I have graduated cosmetology school now. I'm the proud holder of a Cosmetology diploma and a certification in makeup artistry.
Graduating was a HUGE deal to me. This year of school was hell for me. The worst year of my life. I was bullied, mocked, stabbed in the back, treated like a fool... I've never felt so much like a social retard in my life. I was completely socially rejected and despised for at least half of my schooling. I hated myself. I had to go on antidepressants so I didn't go to the bathroom and slit my wrists on the worst days... And believe me, I came within inches of doing so several times this last year. I didn't want to finish school, much less LIVE when I was being bullied like this. Every day was a struggle. I felt so alone. I ate alone, I worked on projects alone, I sat alone, I studied alone. Wake up, be alone, go to sleep, repeat. That was my life for 6 months.
Luckily, I graduated into taking clients and as I was separated from my bullies and working with people that enjoyed my presence, I began to find some peace of mind, and I was able to talk about my troubles with fellow client-serving schoolmates. During that time, I found out that a hair competition a fellow student had used me as a model for had chosen us as finalists to be flown out to Las Vegas to compete in the second largest hair competition in the nation. We took 3rd place out of over 1,000 entries in the nation.
Suddenly, I was the model that placed in Trendvision. Tall, thin, pale, smart, and with award-winning hair. Suddenly, people wanted to talk to me. People were interested in me. I was able to show people who I was, and I began to make friends as the social outcasts like me began to pull together and relate to each other. Life started to suck less.
As I modeled more and more, more people in the school noticed me, but they also respected me. A huge change from earlier in the year. As I became the muse for a very important teacher in the school, people watched me to see if it would go to my head. It didn't. Newer students that didn't know me before I modeled had a respect for me because I was a model to them... But to me, I was still a student that hated herself and walked on eggshells around everyone because I was afraid of going back to being that scorned and bullied student I used to be... But as I gained friends that talked to me due to my modeling and began to get to know me, I became more secure. The respect I gained as being a model gave me a confidence to be myself (at least a refined, held back version of myself) for once. I started to fit in and be secure as I gained friends that I knew wouldn't turn on me. I could be myself and not care if people didn't like me. The ones that mattered were already by my side. 
It seems shallow to gain friends because you are a model, but it wasn't that at all... It was just that being a model put me in the spotlight for more people to see, and it gave me the chance to show people who I was, not who they thought I was or who they heard I was. The people who saw who I was and liked me for it became my good friends. The ones I looked forward to seeing every day, and they me. That's when school became bearable.

Finally, after the novelty of me being a model wore off of everyone and just became part of our everyday lives, balance came to my schooling. I had friends, I had confidence, I had authoritative figures on my side, and I was separated from the people who bullied me, and those people became irrelevant to me. My friends, clients, and teachers liked me, so what more could I really ask for? You can't win everyone over. Fact is, modeling was the best choice I ever made in school.

Then it happened. State board class. The most important class one could be in during your time at school. This is the class that prepares you for the 6 hour test that all cosmetologists have to take in order to be licensed to work. You don't pass, you don't work. Simple as that.
Suddenly my bookishness came out, and people found out just how much I was a sponge for knowledge. At this point, I was already being called Google, but after State Board class and memorizing words, diseases, muscles, etc... People were coming to me for help on tests and for answers to questions. Now all the smart people AND the social outcasts were my friends, and the people that needed help on tests or studying were coming to me. Things were great.
Then I tried out For America's Next Top Model, practically forced to by multiple students in the school. People were rooting for me, making sure I went to the audition, asking if I got in, things like that... It was amazing. I'd never seen so many people care about what happened in my life. It touched my heart and made me want to cry for joy. It meant so much to me and helped me hold my head high. I still hated myself, but I hated myself a little less, and it was refreshing.

A month later, I graduated cosmetology school. I had people that were sad to see me go. People that brought me flowers and wanted to take pictures with me. People giving me hugs and wishing me well... It was enough to bring tears to my eyes to this moment. To go from a scorned, lonely, self-hating, suicidal social outcast to someone loved, respected, and able to carry her head up high... It really was an amazing and refreshing change. I came so far, and it was such an important moment for me to clock out for the last time and look at a diploma bearing my name and know the the year of hell and the year of dreams had finally come to an end was such an overwhelming feeling.
It's been a week now since I graduated, and the reality has only just now sunk in. I feel like 30 pounds has been lifted off my shoulders and I feel like I got my life back. I listen to music for fun now, and not for comfort. I sleep in. I stay up late. I play video games, and go to Disneyland. I picked up hobbies again. I feel like I could spontaneously do a cartwheel for joy whenever I want. I'm HAPPY. 
I'm in the process of weaning myself off my antidepressants now. I'm hoping to stay off of them if I can. I can't wait to get my license and get a job so I can move on with my life and start planning my wedding. I hope to model more. I have made a Model Mayhem account and I hope to put myself out there for more modeling opportunities as I go. I'm excited to see where life takes me, but as for right now, I need to go to sleep. Hopefully I'll check in more often now. If you made it all the way to this point in the journal, thanks for taking the time to read! Catch up with you soon! (maybe)

So I'm two months into cosmetology school and I have loved (almost) every moment of it! I'm officially a certified makeup artist now, and I'm already only 10 months from graduating. It hasn't been easy though. I'm perpetually exhausted and always busy. I have two days off school every week and usually spend it sleeping. It's been an interesting change in my life from being very inactive to spending most of my day on my feet working... But it's not bad. It's something I enjoy. I always learning something new and have a good time doing it. For any interested, I have started a facebook page that I use to update followers on my work and what I'm learning. I'm on facebook constantly, so it's a great place to see what I'm up to while my attention is being taken away from nail art!

Check it out if you like hair, makeup, and nails and/or want to keep current on my shenanigans! www.facebook.com/pages/Jenna-M…
As a special treat, I will be taking a Special FX workshop in the end of April, so if you like my page, keep an eye out for that!

PS: ZOMGOMGOMG WHOSE LINE IS COMING BACK!!!

Well, with a new year comes new excitements. Cosmetology school starts in 4 days. My life will be flipped on it's head and I don't know how I will handle it. There's a lot on my mind. I managed to scrape enough money together to buy clothes for my school uniform, and I'm fortunate that I could find all black clothes. It was by chance that I found some nice and plain black flats for a cheap price. The anticipation of getting my silicone based airbrush is driving me crazy! I can't wait to get my hands on it.

Well, onto the new story. I was in the ER... Again. Some followers may remember the first time I was in the ER back in Dec. 2010. This time it was for a different reason, but with the same people involved. I woke with extremely bad stomach pain. I took a couple Pepto Bismol and just tried to wait it out while texting my mom, who was preparing to leave for a getaway with my dad. I told her about the pain and she suggested that if it was as bad as I considered it, I should go to Urgent Care. I told her that this pain was just stomach pain and that I'd be fine and nap it off, not wanting to risk ruining her getaway with medical problems. So we said goodbye and I went to sleep, only waking up later to a text from her giving final instructions and information before she left. My fiance and I lazed around for a while before we decided to to my house and grab some money so I could finish shopping for school. The car ride to my house brought all that stomach pain back, so we decide that maybe we should just relax at the house until I can take some more Pepto and get rid of the pain again. It took a couple hours, but I was up and ready to go by 8pm. Off we go to Walmart, planning our route of attack and what we want to buy from what sections. Off I go for shoes and dress slacks for school. By the time I have walked to theopposite end of the store, I'm getting nauseous from the pain... Again. And to top it all off, they didn't have the shoes in the color I needed! Such a dilemma, right? So I tried to look for a new pair of shoes to buy while trying not to look like I'm in excruciating pain and just want to curl up on the floor. After 10 minutes of switching between crouching down and standing hunched over, I finally found a suitable pair of shoes and mustered the courage to get moving and grab the pants I needed. By that point, I was hurting so much I could do nothing but sit down. I took my items to a seating area and told my fiance where I was. I gave him money and he bought my stuff and I got myself up and started heading for the car. The car ride was spent doing basically nothing but crying and hurting.
When we got back to my house, Alfonso offered to take me to Urgent Care again for the 5th time, and I finally accepted. I looked up the nearest Kaiser Urgent care and called them only to be informed that they closed at 9:00pm. It was now 9:30. However, I was informed that the brand new hospital that had just opened 5 minutes away from my house contracted with Kaiser, and I could go to their ER. Hallelujah. I could not survive a 30 minute car ride to the nearest Kaiser ER. Off we go to the new hospital.
Fast-forward 5 hours in the waiting room, lots of frustration, and my mother calling the triage nurse from the bed and breakfast they were staying at to chew her out for not triaging me after 4 hours in the waiting room, I'm finally at the top of the list for a room. I keep getting bumped because apparently if you deal with your pain quietly like me, you're suddenly a low priority and the more vocal sufferers get to take your place in line. Finally they call me into my room (room 42, the answer to life, the universe, and the mystery as to what is causing my pain). In the nurse comes asking for history, medical questions, taking my blood pressure and pulse, etc. In comes the doctor next to ask me the same questions while pressing on my abdomen and tapping on my back. Without listening to me much, she declares that I just have a really bad Urinary Tract Infection and prescribes antibiotics and out she goes (which is true, I did have a UTI for a week leading up to this event, but I had been trying to treat it at home). After talking with my mom (a nurse) to confirm that she agrees with that diagnosis, back in comes my nurse with a needle and an annoucement that I was getting an antibiotics injection... To my butt.
Yippee.
After all, the muscle in the butt is the biggest muscle in the body. The thing my nurse needed to work on was her timing: "Big needle, big stin-*JAB*-g."
THAT. Hurt. The thing they don't tell you is that antibiotic injections are painful. Like tetanus shots directly into the muscle in your butt. Yes. I cried. That was just adding insult to injury. I was now 21 hours without food and very little water, and 15 hours in pain and a stressful situation. As soon as the nurse left, I began crying uncontrollably and my poor hospital-phobic fiance could just sit there and try to comfort me. He soon started doing adorably stupid antics to make me feel better, and though I saw right through what he was trying to do, it was appreciated and I figured I owed it to him to pull myself together. Here he called off work to take me to the ER when he is scared of hospitals and sit around sick people with me for 6 hours while I intermittently cried on him and complained while he tried to placate my mom over text. He has barely slept in the last 14 hours and barely eaten in almost as long. Now he is doing silly things to cheer me up and get me through these last few minutes before I could go home. The least I can do is stop crying and try to make it all easier on him.
Shortly after that, things started to get settled and I was sent on my way with a prescription for Vicodin and antibiotics. I finally got home at about 3:30am. 6 hours in the ER. My fiance has never been allowed to spend the night with me, but that night, I didn't want to be alone, and he was in no hurry to leave me alone, so I had him set himself up a bed in my brother's old room, and we sat down to watch a movie to help us de-stress and he offered me some food, which I rejected. The movie was my favorite movie, and scratched beyond watchable quality, so we gave up and turned it off and he helped me get into my bed and took care of anything that needed to be done.
The next morning, I was awoken by a text from my dad asking how I was. We talked on the phone for a bit and he convinced me to eat something (now 29 hours since my last meal, which was a single cup of Activia yogurt, and I still didn't feel hungry), and to wake up my fiance to get my prescriptions filled so I could start my antibiotics right away... I won't lie, that weekend was a very peaceful and restful weekend. My fiance took care of me and insisted on doing everything short of feeding me, and he even offered to do that. I started doing things for myself because I would have hated for him to wait on me hand and foot all the time. He said he didn't mind, though. I'd do the same for him if the roles were switched, and that's true. He made it a lot easier to rest up and avoid upsetting my body. I'm almost better now. There are signs the infection was on its way to my kidneys, but I have been prescribed new antibiotics that will more effectively take out the infection, which is caused by E. Coli. The previous antibiotics only had a 50% chance of killing the infection, so as soon as they knew it was E. Coli, they got me some better ones.

Looking forward to getting better by the end of the week, and starting my last year of school for the career I love. So begins the new year. With new stories, and new experiences.

Hey, it's been a whole semester since my last journal! My computer battery is about to die, so I will try to make this update fast.

So I didn't do the ballroom performance for school. I was informed that it is in the spring semester, so once again, I will be taking Ballroom one more semester. I have been officially accepted to school, so I now start cosmetology Jan. 21st! I'm a year away from graduating and being done with school!... For now. Ideally, I'd like to move on to learning movie makeup after I have paid off my cosmetology school loans. Hooray! Hopefully I will soon be posting pictures of my homework from school.

How was everyone's Christmas? I had a great Christmas! I got engaged on Christmas Eve, and I had a great Christmas. I'm not planning a wedding right away, though. I still have to finish up school, and my fiance will have to finish school after he works out some health problems that are hindering his capability of working effectively. Maybe a wedding 2 years from now. For now, I will focus on school and get used to the ring on my finger and calling him my fiance! I'm excited. So excited.

Anyway, I need to run. My laptop is on it's deathbead. I will fill things in later as time allows. Tell me about your Christmas! Also me have a Happy New Year! I will be going to Disneyland on the 1st! I'm excited about that too! See you all soon!
*hurries to shut down laptop*

School starts tomorrow. I'm kinda excited because I'm only taking two classes and I count on both being fun. I also finally got recognized by the teachers and was invited to be in the performance at the end of the year. That's a huge deal for me. You can't ask to be in the show or even audition if you are in the ballroom class. The teachers hand pick you according to your skill. That's a huge honor. I mean, I am one of the more experienced students in the class, because we have a really high turnover rate in class, and I have been in the class for 2 years now (2 and 1/2 when this semester is over), but the teachers tend to outsource to the students that have been taking the class 4+ years before they are in the show. One student they use every year without fail has been in the class for 8 years. Granted, he is fantastic. I would pick him to be in the show year after year too if I were the teachers. He helped me get where I am now just from dancing with him every year. An excellent leader.
But my point is that the teachers choose really experienced or talented dancers that have had YEARS of experience. If they use the insanely experienced students in the show again this year, I'm gonna be the underdog and the rookie of the "elite" students. That's okay. It just pushes me to be better and try to keep up with much more experienced students, and I have worked so hard for this. This is what I have wanted to do since I started taking the class. I always had a desire to stand out and make myself known and show my love for ballroom. It took the teachers 1 and 1/2 years of saying my name to them every Friday night for attendance to learn my name, if that says anything about the teachers and their impressionability. Once I finally got their attention, though, I made sure to hold onto it. That also opened opportunities up to help other students because when the teachers notice you, chances are the other students have already. We all size each other up. Look for talent, ability, experience, and confidence or awkwardness, clumsiness, frustration, and difficulty keeping up. For some of us, it boosts our confidence to see other students struggling in the "yay! Someone else sucks too, and I'm not the worst in the class!" kinda way. Others just feel sorry for the struggling students, but in ballroom, it's a friendly environment full of camaraderie. Never mockery or scrutiny.
What makes me feel bad is that those struggling students... Feel worse when dancing with someone like me who has been in the class a long time. I hate to see the guys wilt a little when I come around. A student last semester had to be at least 30 or 40 years older than me, but he would always kinda slouch down and sigh a little and apologize before we even made contact. He would call me the "pro". I would always laugh and correct him and say "seasoned veteran of the class" (the class teaches the same steps every year in the same order). I kept stressing that I started where he was too, and that I'm not perfect, plus, that means that I can help him improve by giving tips and advice about his frame and things like that.
This last semester and this one, I'm making it a priority to help the less experienced students progress just like the advanced students helped me, and also encourage them to not feel self-conscious when having to dance with advanced students, because we all understand those awkward starting phases and are willing to help. We aren't inwardly cringing and sighing on the inside because they are slow. Also that they shouldn't be afraid to ask for help when they need it. I want the students to enjoy the dances as much as I do. Skill comes with time, but it comes faster when you can relax and not worry about appearances and just focus on techniques.

SOOO EXCITED FOR THIS SEMESTER. HELPING MY FELLOW STUDENTS AND GETTING TO PERFORM TOO!!! UBER SQUEE.